There another woman is that is pregnant, or there is another infant or baby there, every where, even in my virtual life. I promise you, I've known of 3 births, and 5 pregnancies and 1 miscarriage.. I just want it to be me again, I want to be pregnant again, I want to feel life inside of me. I want to bring that life home to raise, and teach about Jesus, and life, and love.
I don't mean to sound like a spoiled brat, or ungreatful for what I've been given, however I would love a living baby. I'm so very greatful that the Lord allowed me to know and love my son for the beautiful 33 weeks. Now almost 9 months later, I want to be pregnant again, I want to be a mommy. All of my friends are getting pregnant, or getting their live rainbow babies, and I'm so very thrilled and beyone ecstatic for them, but where's mine? When is it my turn? What does everyone else have that we don't have?
I can't say that I'm not a little jealous cause then I would be lying, I'm totally jealous, 8 months ago my son was born still, I at least thought I would be pregnant by now. But alas here I am still trying. Although truthfully I wasn't fully trying but only for 3 months now. We weren't preventing though, which shows me that I'll never get pg by surprise.. How awesome that would be.
Now on to other area's of my life, I've practically been away from the computer since Monday 9.22.08, I've been helping my mother move out of what used to be my parents home. You see, after 28 years of marriage my parents are divorcing. Things don't always work out for everyone I guess, I know it's been really hard on my mom. I can't really tell from my dad as he never shows emotion. Well things haven't been the best for some time now between them and things did turn violent over time, and ended with my mom getting her wrist broke, I wasn't there so I don't know fully what happened, but I do know that no matter what happened, NO bones should have been broken, nor should they have had to end on this bad of a note. I think sometimes there are some people that just kinda grow apart, instead of together and as sad as it is, I know that my momma will laugh again, she will/can live again, and be herself. She can decorate her house any way that she wants to without having to ask "can I?" I know things are going to be better it's just hard seeing it all unfold.. Watching/helping her pack her belongings was most definately one of the hardest things I've ever had to do..
Oh and on my trying to conceive note, Aaron and I were both kinda sick and busy during my fertile week so no ttc this cycle, I think we made love once and that was 4 days before time!! So although there's a slight chance I doubt/nor do I think I will be seeing anything but good ol' aunt flo this month. But that's cool, cause then we get to have a little halloween fun, and make a lil' pumpkin of our own!!
